When Parenting Feels Overwhelming: When the Load Starts to Feel Too Heavy

Have you ever finally got the kids to bed, sat down for the first time all day and thought:

“This is crazy! I just can’t do this anymore.”

Not because you don’t love your children.

And…not because you don’t want to be a parent.

Just because you’re exhausted or tired…worn out…Call it what you want but you know the feeling.

Parenting can be wonderful…the snuggles in bed, ice cream at the park, random movie night but it can also be exhausting, messy, frustrating and overwhelming. There can be so much to think about, organise, remember, worry about and manage.

And often, the hardest part isn't just everything you have to do.

It’s everything you have to hold.

The pressure to get it right

Parents have access to more information than ever before. You only need to open your Inst feed and wham – someone’s telling you how you can do something better! Cue feelings of doubt.

There is advice everywhere about how to manage behaviour, respond to emotions, set boundaries, build connection, support mental health, manage screen time, encourage confidence and raise resilient children. Phew, I feel exhausted just writing that.

A lot of this information can be helpful.

But sometimes, it can leave you wondering whether you’re doing enough or getting it ‘right’.

Should I have handled that differently?

Am I giving my child enough attention?

Why did I lose my patience? That never used to bother me!

Other parents seem to manage this better than me.

When there is always another piece of advice telling us what we could be doing, it can become very easy to feel that we’re getting something wrong.

Parenting stress isn’t simply about whether you’re a ‘good’ or ‘bad’ parent. Research suggests that it can be influenced by a range of factors, including parent wellbeing, child needs, relationships, social support and the circumstances a family is experiencing at the time (Fang et al., 2022).

Sometimes, feeling overwhelmed simply means you’re carrying a lot.

It’s not just the things on your to-do list

There’s a difference between being busy and carrying a heavy mental and emotional load.

You might be thinking about whether your child is okay.

Whether they’re happy at school.

Whether they have friends.

Whether your teenager is really ‘fine.’

Whether you’re getting the balance between work and kids right.

You might be looking after kids, managing work, trying to keep your relationship going, caring for other family members and attempting to find a little time for yourself somewhere in the middle of it all.

Your body might finally sit down at the end of the day, but your mind can keep going…we all know that feeling.

And when you’ve been running on empty for a while, it can become harder to be the parent or person you want to be.

Small things might suddenly feel enormous…who left their shoes there! Again! You might find yourself snapping, yelling or withdrawing…and then feeling guilty afterwards (often at 2am!)

That guilt can become another thing to carry.

Sometimes parenting brings up more than you expect

One of the things we don’t always talk about is how much parenting can bring up from our own lives.

The way we were parented.

The things we experienced growing up.

The expectations we have of ourselves.

The kind of parent we thought we would be.

Maybe you’re determined to do things differently from your own parents. Maybe you’re frightened of making the same mistakes. Or perhaps you have a picture in your head of what a “good” parent should look like, and you’re constantly measuring yourself against it.

And sometimes a situation with our kids can feel much bigger than what is happening in that moment.

That doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you.

It might simply be a sign that there’s more going on underneath the surface.

So what can you do?

Understanding parenting overwhelm can be an important first step.

Rather than immediately asking yourself what you need to fix, it can help to get curious about what is happening for you.

What is taking up most of your mental space at the moment?

It can also be helpful to notice what happens inside you when things become difficult.

Do you become anxious? Frustrated? Guilty? Do you start telling yourself that you’re not doing enough or that you should be coping better?

These thoughts and feelings can become part of the cycle of stress, making an already difficult situation feel even harder.

And sometimes, the answer isn't about finding another parenting strategy or Insta-influencer.

It might be about having someone help you make sense of what you're carrying.